And they get 'less little' every day. The more they explore the world around them, the more they ask questions, and the more their questions begin to stump me. I look at my girls and see a future they will inherit and a promise they will build. But both of those things rely on me fulfilling my promise: to leave the world a little bit better than I found it.

I have spent my entire career in nonprofits, serving folks where spirituality and physical needs meet. First, it was at CityChurch (formerly BRCC) in San Antonio. Then, I spent four years at the San Antonio Food Bank during the height of the COVID-19 Pandemic, and I've spent the last 15 months at SAMMinistries.

Every role I've taken since having children has been with this people focus in mind. That is not only because of my children, but because of the Christian scripture passage that has guided me for the last decade:

“The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
because he has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
and recovery of sight for the blind,
to set the oppressed free,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”

Luke 4:18-19

Many cite the Sermon on the Mount as Jesus' first sermon, but to me, this passage was truly the first time Jesus stepped out and preached; his message was that God's favor was upon the most vulnerable. And I wanted to bring myself as close to that mission of love as possible. The Good News is that God's Kingdom of Love came down to us, His face shining upon the widow, the captor, the oppressed, the poor.

That is why I love serving at SAMMinistries. It is why I continue to push against food and housing insecurity, why I cannot abide pain and suffering for our neighbors in a plentiful land.

I can do what I can where I am with what I have, and you can, too. Service is not reserved for those who work in nonprofits. Everyone can contribute their talents, treasures, and unique perspectives to make our communities a beautiful place of hope.

If we do that, I can look at my children and know I left everything on the table for them and their future. We can build higher walls or a longer table for our neighbors in need. I can tell you what I want to build, and I can't wait to sit at that table with all of you. 🏠🔑

I bring my dad with me everywhere I go.
When I make decisions.
When I speak with others.
When I write – my father’s wisdom comes with me.

My father’s kindness is reflected in the work that I do, the people that I serve, and the way I play with my kids.

Some of you reading this may bring your father with you wherever you go in a much more difficult way.

Maybe your dads were not there for you.
Maybe they were there, but not in a healthy way.
Maybe your dads are following you, speaking harsh things into your life.

Or maybe your dad is no longer here.
Maybe he never was.

I want you to consider what it would mean for you if you had a father who was truly present and spoke into your life.

And if you are a dad – now more than ever your kids need to hear from you.

I want my children to grow up and be able to bring me with them wherever they go. I want to know that the words I speak now will be a source of inspiration and support for my girls later in life.

I don’t know when this saying came about. I want to say it was during the ‘reality TV’ craze in like Survivor, but it always struck me as weird.

[Just Kidding] This was bothering me so I looked into it.

In that This American Life episode, I traced the reality TV origin of “I’m not here to make friends” back to the first season of Survivor. In fact, it had already been uttered—some four years prior—in a noncompetitive context on the fifth season of The Real World (the Miami season), the show that, fittingly, established reality programming as we know it. During a meeting about an ill-fated business venture, cast member Flora Alekseyeun uttered the phrase to her housemates, whom she, in fact, was there to make friends with, per the show’s ostensible mission. (Technically, it was her co-star Cynthia Roberts who told the group, “She’s not here to make friends,” only to have Alekseyeun repeat it in the first-person syntax that would reverberate for decades.)

“How ‘I’m Not Here to Make Friends’ Became the Motto of Our Time”
by Rich Juzwiak | Time

Confession Time

I have confessed a time or two that I can only manage 1.5 friendships at a time. I have specifically said this to Pyle MULTIPLE times, mostly after a massive gap in time between text messages. In part, I might attribute this mismanagement of friendship to what - for a long time - was undiagnosed ADHD.

I think part of this 1.5 friendships problem also stems from my childhood. Growing up, I prided myself on not being a burden. I was someone who could sit idle while others’ lives carried on. I never wanted to be an inconvenience, to burden someone with my need for attention. If I was not providing a service, having utility for someone else’s life… something felt wrong.

This is difficult because I love making connections, seeing possibilities and opportunities when I meet new people. But maintaining that long-term has always been a struggle. I don’t talk to anyone from high school (I’m nearly 40). I can count on one hand the number of people I still have friendships with from college. It’s not that I don’t like anyone from those periods of my life, the connection just didn’t last. It’s hard to say whether it was just the passage of time or my capacity for friendship. But when I went into idle in a friendship, it rarely lasted afterward.

However, I am still friends with my college roommate, Andrew. I think that is - in part - because we are very intentional about working on things together. We are creatives. We want to make stories, art, and games together.

We just started a new company, JAMR, with two other friends to create and share digital content, podcasts, stories, and games. It will be quite the undertaking, but - at this point - I see no other way for us to do what we love and share that with y’all. Getting this far took a lot of effort and preparation, but we want to share something with you that you can enjoy. 😉

Friendships are Hard as an Adult

Part of the reason I like what we’re doing at JAMR is that we are creating content - podcasts, stories, games - that people can share in friendship. As an adult, finding time to meet together is hard. And once you do… what do you do?!

Adult friendships are just as much about building community activities as they are about singular interactions. To keep friendships together as an adult you have to have intentionality, a routine, and systems of community working together to keep everybody in orbit.

JAMR games are going to be a great way for us to solve that. Subscribe here for more updates. We’ll be sharing more very soon!

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This October, I will turn 40 years old. 4 decades.

I have a beautiful, smart, and loving wife. I have three amazing girls. I have a beautiful (messy) home, a job, and family that cares about me.

And I am deeply depressed.

You may have noticed that my last post was two months ago. If you didn’t notice, it’s okay: I did. I’ve been staring at a drawer full of draft posts of different things to write. Some have paragraphs of thoughts, some are just titles. But they’re all just sitting there tormenting me.

I haven’t been able to pull together the sum of energy, creativity, and/or time to make a dent into any of these projects.

And to top that off, I have a blessed life and I feel ashamed to be depressed at all. What is so hard about my life that I should feel so helpless? Every day, I am confronted in my work with the lives of others who suffer or face obstacles I have never had to think about. How dare I be depressed.

Yet, here I am.

I feel a sense of creative mourning, that my spent energy doesn’t reflect the creative spirit that fuels me. Like a space explorer, my craft has run out of fuel in the depths of space in a place I do not recognize. Lost in space without the means to return, hoping for a rescue mission.

But it’s not hopeless. I have all the blessings I talked about before. Despite my mournings, I have much to find joy in.

Adrift, yet hopeful.

Pressed, but not crushed.

Depressed, but not abandoned.

I have a lot of things simmering in the pot; some of which are kindling for my spirit. They will just take more time.

Just wait.
See what is in front of you.
Watch for signs.
Flow with the river.
Meet me where I wait.
Things will come in time.
This is the way.

Gina and I worked together for a handful of years in the 2010s and have been friends ever since. She is an exceptional artist who made crocheted versions of Bluey and Bingo for my kiddos for Christmas1, and she has always shown our family - and my wife especially - warm kindness and intentional empathy. I’m delighted to have this conversation with her an…

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Roger and I had the pleasure of working together at the San Antonio Food Bank. I was working in the Development team and Roger was working in Client Services. We both now happen to be writers and working at different organizations. Roger recently published his first book, a memoir titled Between the Tracks, and I wanted to share his work with…

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An unrecorded podcast 🎙️

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Why Between People?

You may have read the last couple of posts from BETWEEN PEOPLE and thought to yourself, “What crawled up this guy’s butt?” I don’t blame you. I think, for the most part, this sub-substack is about people in community, and I’ve had a hot-mess discontent around our economic structures making war with the gentle, supportive ideal our com…

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Historical Implications

From the historical side of things, you zoom out far enough and a lot of patterns…

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We are in a maelstrom of inflation, greedflation1, a volatile housing market, the throws of a pandemic bucking itself back into the spotlight and governments that don’t seem to car…

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